Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Even my vagina gasped.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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