I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
