Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i came on her dog
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
