Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.