It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
