Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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