We need to rekindle our bromance
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
