Where is the hickey?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
