What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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