I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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