U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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