Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
