Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
