i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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