i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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