Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
