who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need to sanitize my soul.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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