There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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