youre lurking in front of me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
