Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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