He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
