How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
