Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
