Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
