walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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