I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
