hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
