He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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