the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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