I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
