Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
