So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
