ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
