Your mouth is God's brothel.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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