Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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