So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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