So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
