I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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