and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.