You're completely useless in the revolution.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you