So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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