i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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