stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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