I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
