i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
