who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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