so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
