i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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