I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
