It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
