His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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