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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.

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• (310): View more from California

  He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!

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• (516): View more from New York

  its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?

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