it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
