You're my little dorito
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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