I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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