If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
