Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
