too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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