Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pants are for mortals
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
