Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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