did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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