bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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