I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
