this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
