Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
