I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
