im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
