Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
