you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
