I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
